well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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