some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
