and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
