pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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