Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I need to stop coming to work sober
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize
