So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
