I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I just blew my weed a kiss
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
