Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
