just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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