She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
