Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I need to sanitize my soul.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
