She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I think my moral compass just broke
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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