you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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