he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
