dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
