Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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