i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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