I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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