Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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