bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
