Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
