The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
