Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
