my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
