I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Why are your pants in the freezer?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
