i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
third nipple confirmed
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
