don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Panties = found
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