It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
