Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
