i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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