I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
