i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
