I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
