Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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