Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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