He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
