My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
