I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
