Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
