You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
