That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
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