You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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