No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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