The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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