that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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