u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
We talked him into tasing himself.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
