Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
