i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I did not marry a roomba.
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