How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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