So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
