i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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