i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
