can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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