He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
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