i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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