What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
