glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
im holly from the hills drunk
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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