Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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