My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
