I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
