O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Randomize
