billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
