A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
