I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
