Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
