4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
